#and i feel very guilty

[gingerale2017]

this is a message for @greenalmond

remember when you asked that i write a specific prompt from some ask game for wolflet for a kiss?

well, i wrote it the minute you sent the ask. but my stupid little dumbass brain wrote it on tumblr. i don't how or when or why tumblr decided to hate me but it deleted it all (by then it was the second time it happened). i was so proud of it and so close to finishing. then you sent me the ask about kaider and i wrote it on a different platform and i posted it (it's called stitches). i thought you weren't going to believe me because the story is so far-fetched, but it happened. for real. i was just too lazy to rewrite it and never got back around to it. I'm very deeply sorry.

guess what? i'm finally getting back around to it. I'll try to write it tonight (i think it's going to be short, but if not, it might take me a few days.) i will no longer rely on tumblr for my fics.

i owe you a fic vi. now you're getting it.

[inkskinned]

you're in the habit of denying yourself things.

if someone asked you directly, you would say that you love a little treat. you like iced coffee and getting the cookie. you drink juice out of a fancy cup sometimes, and often do use your candles until they gutter out helplessly.

but you hesitate about buying the 20 dollar hand mixer because, like. you could just use your arms. you weren't raised rich. you don't get to just spend the 20 dollars (remember when that could cover lunch?), at least - you don't spend that without agonizing over it first, trying to figure out the cost-benefits like you are defending yourself in front of a jury. yes, this rice cooker could seriously help you. but you do know how to make stovetop rice and it really isn't that hard. how many pies or brownies would you actually make, in order to make that hand mixer worthwhile?

what's wild is that if the money was for a friend, it would already be spent. you'd fork over 40 without blinking an eye, just to make them happy. the difference is that it's for you, so you need to justify it.

and it sneaks in. you ration yourself without meaning to - you don't finish the pint of ice cream, even though you want to. the next time you go to the store, you say ah, i really shouldn't, and then you walk away. you save little bits of your precious things - just in case. sometimes you even go so far as putting that one thing in your shopping cart. and then just leaving it there, because maybe-one-day, but not right now, there's other stuff going on.

you do self-care, of course. but you don't do it more than like, 3 days in a row. after that it just feels a little bit over-the-edge. like. you can't live in decadence, the economy is so bad right now, kid.

so you don't buy the rice cooker. you can-and-will spend the time over the stove. you can withstand the little sorrows. denial and discipline are practically synonyms. and you're not spoiled.

it's just - it's not always a rice cooker. sometimes it is a person or a job or a hug. sometimes it is asking for help. sometimes it is the summer and your college degree. sometimes it is looking down at scabbed knees and feeling a strange kind of falling, like you can't even recognize the girl you used to be. sometimes it is your handprint looking unsteady.

sometimes it is tuesday, and you didn't get fired, and you want to celebrate. but what is it you like, even? you search around your little heart and come up empty. you're so used to denying that all your desires draw a blank.

oh fuck. see, this is the perfect opportunity. if you had a mixer, you'd make a cake.

[ionomycin]

2023 favorites

[puppyeared]

(guy who has never played cotl) haha au time

[egophiliac]

I DONT FOLLOW THIS FANDON WJAY HAPPENED

our butler(/guide to being an agent/best friend who bakes us special cookies and helps us run our cafe and encourages us no matter what because he loves our dad us) got sucked into a DREAMWORLD and had his spirits CRUSHED and he turned into a CRYSTALLY CHAMELEON MONSTER and we had to go through a spiritual journey and talk to the spirit of our DAD so we could POWER OF FRIENDSHIP him back!!!! (and some other stuff happened but what matters is that LEON WAS OKAY)

now he has a different-colored eye and a gentlemanly little face tattoo and...maybe other secrets that we'll find out later?!

[soni-dragon]

aftermath

[avicecaro]

hate to say it, but part of ending the stigma around sexual assault means not assuming every woman blames herself. yes, female socialization encourages it, but that doesn’t make it a given, and the goal of all of these campaigns is to eventually diminish the proportion of women who do blame themselves. it is entirely possible, and increasingly common, for women to experience sexual assault and not feel shame or guilt, which we should be happy about. but instead, there are only so many times you can hear “you know it’s not your fault, right?” before it sounds like “it was your fault”. and there’s only so many times you can hear “don’t blame yourself” before it sounds like “you should blame yourself”. because it feels good to say, doesn’t it? sure, you don’t believe she’s guilty, but you do believe she should feel guilty, so that you can disabuse her of the notion. just something to consider.

[suhnshinehaos]

my heart dropped when i read the statement that sm put out re: taeil, genuinely the last thing i expected to read today. i’m shocked, disappointed, but most of all- i’m angry.

angry at what he’s done, angry at seeing some fans defend him, angry at those turning this into a gotcha moment to promote or lift their faves up. please, this isn’t just some discussion on the internet- there is a very real victim, a very real woman at the heart of all this. i hope she gets the justice and healing she deserves.

[grechsblog]

i think isafrin dynamic, especially postcanon, is so funny to me because (among other things) isabeau is the notorious Gets Scared When The Horrors Appear type of dude, but also happens to be madly into a guy who, for lack of better words, can be aptly described as The Horrors

[edwinisms]

you ever think about how edwin got like. no warning, no time time to process, nothing, when he reappeared on earth faced with the fact that virtually everyone he knew in life is dead. his parents? probably died in the 1950s or so (at best) almost forty years prior to edwin’s return. if any of his classmates were still around, they’d have been elderly, possibly senile, and in a few years they’d all be gone– except, of course, edwin. nothing looks the same, cars look like spaceships, there actually are spaceships, he can no longer see the stars, and everyone he knew is dead.

[sunlit-mess]

noticing in your vents—

is your sister okay too?

We laugh, sure, but we both know we're not ok.

[autisticaradiamegido]

day 169

this is it, the dynamic

[voiceofsword]

assorted doodles (+an edit) for a god au friend and i have been rambling about

[thereseuwu]

Drew/sketched Apollon again :^0

(I wanted to go with a painterly vibe but I can't paint </3 so I scrapped the idea... DSKFDSFK I was heavily inspired by Wolfy the witch! But don't tell them that. I just love love love their artstyle X^D)

Here's my failed attempt at painting him X^D

[breadtheend]

Daily occurance

[artoriarts]

I think that being alone in frasco made aba a very sensory-oriented person. and that translates a lot into how she shows affection, especially given paracelsus, while he can be hugged or kissed or humped, can’t really reciprocate too terribly much and probably doesn’t feel it as vividly or in the same way as those of biological body. basically what I’m saying is aba does asmr for paracelsus as a form of intimacy